So, did you hear the Vancouver Whitecaps might sign Andriy Shevchenko?
Oh, probably. It's up there with the rumour that the Whitecaps might sign Robbie Keane and the rumour that the Whitecaps might sign Robbie Savage and the rumour that the Whitecaps might sign... well, if he's an aging former high-profile Premier League player, it's safe to say there's been a rumour that the Whitecaps might sign him. That's life in Major League Soccer, where half the articles are about signing aging ex-Premier League players and the other half are decrying the concept.
So let me join the decriers. It's not that I object to Shevchenko specifically (although I do). It's that I object to the whole concept of the Whitecaps serving as a retirement home for over-the-hill famous guys. Let's not take on an old man just because we've all heard of him. Instead, let's at least try to put the "Major League" in Major League Soccer.
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Obviously, the Shevchenko rumour is just a rumour. But we know that the Whitecaps have been interested in the old men of England before. Remember that Robbie Savage, current captain of Derby County and one-time most-carded player in Premier League history, was chatting away merrily on his Twitter feed about the offer given to him by the Vancouver Whitecaps before announcing (again via Twitter) that he'd decided not to take the deal. The Whitecaps are willing to chase the old folks; unfortunately, we can't dismiss the Shevchenko rumour out-of-hand on those grounds.
If the Whitecaps are interested in Shevchenko then, frankly, it's a little worrying. Shevchenko was once one of the world's better forwards but that was a long time ago. Now he's 34 and a solid but by no means elite scorer in the Ukrainian Premier League. He could help the Whitecaps score a few goals, but in a salary-capped league he'd represent poor value for the contract he'd demand. He could only provide a season or two of top-quality scoring even in the best-case scenario. And it's hard to imagine the best-case scenario unfolding: Shevchenko would be coming to Vancouver for a few more big paydays before finally retiring. He'll be flying commercial between mediocre MLS stadiums and working with teammates making a fraction of his salary. He's never exactly been the hardest worker even at Chelsea or Milan; you think he's going to play his blood out for the Vancouver Whitecaps?
The oft-unspoken reason to bring in a big-name aging designated player, of course, is to sell tickets. But how many tickets is a decaying Andriy Shevchenko, or an utterly decayed Robbie Savage, going to sell in Vancouver? Nobody says that they refuse to go to Whitecaps because there aren't enough useless old men running around. If the Whitecaps had the opportunity to get a player of Beckham or Henry's calibre, then you can make the argument, but not for Andriy Shevchenko. Not for Robbie Keane. Not for anybody who's been seriously linked to the Whitecaps ever since the MLS expansion was announced. There are only a handful of players in the world who have that kind of impact and the Whitecaps aren't chasing any of them.
Besides, if you haven't been to Empire Field lately, the Whitecaps are doing fine in terms of attendance. There's room to improve but not much. Not enough that the difference in ticket sales could possibly pay Shevchenko's salary. If he can't be worth it on the field, and he can't be worth it off the field, why sign him?
This isn't just about Andriy Shevchenko, not really. The same problem applies to most of the aged former stars MLS has traditionally brought in. Notwithstanding his brace this week, Thierry Henry has been a waste on the field for the New York Red Bulls. David Beckham has been competent enough for the Galaxy when he plays, but what has he brought Los Angeles on the field that Will Johnson hasn't brought Real Salt Lake for a fraction of the price? Of the myriad old players who've come to MLS chasing one last paycheque, only a handful have ever been worth the salary: Blanco, almost certainly, and probably Guillermo Barros Schelotto in his day. If you're trying to win games, bringing in old famous guys clearly isn't the way to do it. If you're trying to pull new fans, well, how many die-hard AC Milan supporters in Vancouver are going to buy season tickets just to see a former hero well past his prime shambling around?
In general, bringing in old men for big money just isn't worth it. Most of them can't pack the stands and even fewer of them can earn their salaries on the field. So far, almost in spite of themselves, the Whitecaps have managed to build a relatively young team of talented players, there on merit rather than for the sake of ticket sales, who are hopefully in it for the long haul. When the team loses 2-1 on the road but keeps on trying and a few young players get some valuable experience, it's much more meaningful than a 2-1 loss where some 34-year-old is thinking about how much he's getting paid.
The Whitecaps shouldn't sign Andriy Shevchenko. But more to the point, they shouldn't sign anybody like Andriy Shevchenko. Don't get a player because he's famous; get him because he's good.