(Sunday 11:15 a.m. -- Updated, with result)
Alright, I won't even pretend that there's any sort of Canadian connection here*. But sometimes, amid all the scandals and bullshit that seem to surround "the beautiful game" these days, it's nice to see something that reminds you of just why soccer got that moniker in the first place.
As you may have already heard, American Samoa (dead last in the FIFA rankings, tied with four other teams at 204th) got its first win in 17 years -- and its first win ever in World Cup qualifying -- with a 2-1 victory over Tonga earlier this week. That result means they'll advance to the next round if they can defeat their final opponent in this group stage.
That opponent? Samoa -- a team who, as luck would have it, is one of those other squads in the 204th-place logjam in the FIFA rankings. It's a clash between, literally, the two worst teams in the world. And I'm itching to know if somehow, some way, we'll be able to watch it.
[PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
My best estimation -- and I stand to be corrected, as I'm no time zone expert -- is that the match kicks off at 8 p.m. ET (5 p.m. PT) on Saturday. Pfft. Forget Hockey Night in Canada. This is a much better story than the Leafs' latest attempt to drag themselves back into mediocrity, wouldn't you say?
Now, let's be clear here: this preliminary group (comprised of the two Samoas, Tonga [#202] and the Cook Islands [the group's supposed heavy hitter, at #196]) exists only, in FIFA's words, "for sporting reasons".
Even so, whichever Samoa emerges will head into a second-round group where it will avoid regional heavyweight New Zealand, instead squaring off with New Caledonia (#163), Vanuatu (#171) and Tahiti (#182). And in this wacky game, who the hell knows what could happen?
I bet the footie fanatics down in Vanuatu think they've got nothing to fear from Samoa, American or otherwise, but then did we (#72) really expect to run into difficulty against Puerto Rico (#106) or St. Kitts and Nevis (#117)? Or, more dramatically, did Trinidad & Tobago (#86) foresee that their World Cup campaign would essentially be derailed by Bermuda (#109)?
Sure, the FIFA rankings are flawed. Every team mentioned here (except us and T&T, sometimes) is pretty crappy. But there you go, innit? Ten years ago, American Samoa became a footie punchline by succumbing to a record-breaking 31-0 thrashing at the hands of the merciless Aussies (who were, I can only imagine, a bunch of ruthless, heartless assholes).
Now, they just might turn heads worldwide for another reason entirely.
Or, they'll lose and be eliminated, but still have a story to tell their great grandkids.
Either way, thanks to all Samoas for producing a litany of high-quality pro wrestlers who entertained me -- and legions of other nerds -- for years.
Update: As it turns out, the American Samoans will need to rest on the laurels of that victory over Tonga from now till the end of time, as their heroic quest was scuttled in the final Samoa showdown on Saturday evening. Despite hanging on to a 0-0 score line for nearly the entire match, putting the win within their potential reach, a 90th-minute tally from Silao Malo sealed the deal for the host Samoans, sending the just-over-half-filled-stadium in Apia into, presumably, ecstasy.
Godspeed, Samoa, as you embark on the next leg of your journey: serving as fodder for slightly-less-crappy Oceania teams.
*The only vague Canadian connection is that, on the last episode of the Some Canadian Guys podcast, Grant -- jokingly, I hope -- suggested that American Samoa's unlikely victory was likely a precursor to them meeting Canada in the CONCACAF-Oceania playoff to determine who gets a spot in Brazil 2014. I then threatened him with physical violence, as rational adults do. (Update: Thankfully now I won't have any reason to follow through on that threat.)
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