Let's say it right off the top: If you haven't been rooting for Tahiti in this year's Confederations Cup, you've got no soul.
The prospect of a super-minnow like Tahiti taking the field against some of the global superpowers, in a showcase FIFA tournament, should be enough to send the "warm and fuzzy" instincts of any sports fan into overdrive.
How minnowy is Tahiti? When they look up in the FIFA rankings, they see the backsides of such local juggernauts as St. Vincent and the Grenadies. Yes, the country that brought us the sweet treats of Philip's Bakery is watching Tahiti get smoked 10-0 on the grand stage and thinking, "that could have been us!"
But then, surely there are Canadian fans thinking the same thing. Hell, that's our mindset during most men's FIFA tournaments -- most of all, during the World Cup. That'll be the case at Brazil 2014, and the more pessimistic among CanMNT supporters are already convinced it'll also be the case in 2018 and even 2022.
Let's say, though, that we live long enough to see Canada get back to the men's World Cup. What, precisely, is our ambition once we get there?
[PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
Tahiti reached their lofty ambition of scoring a goal early in the second half against Nigeria. Even though their goal differential is -15 after two games (and will surely balloon further by the time the weekend's over), Jonathan Tehau gave an entire nation a moment to remember forever -- and ensured that nine months from now, a lot of kids in Tahiti will bear the name Jonathan.
That tally, by the way, means Tahiti now has one more all-time goal in men's senior FIFA competitions than Canada does.* Nothing at Mexico 1986 (except a crossbar), and nothing at the 2001 Confederations Cup.
That's not news to most followers of the men's national team. Indeed, while qualifying for the World Cup would be the culmination of years (and years and years) of emotional investment (and, by and large, subsequent heartbreak), the main task at hand would be to see Canada score its first-ever goal at the men's World Cup.
Whatever happens in the rest of the tournament, many Canadians would be entirely satisfied with simply witnessing that once-in-a-lifetime moment, a breakthrough that can never be replicated... and would, nine months later, name their children accordingly (depending on who Canada's goal-scorer is).
But is that enough?
Anyone not rooting for Tahiti in this competition isn't soulless because of some inherent virtue of the Tahitian team (though their daring, attacking approach has been a pleasant surprise). No, you have to root for Tahiti because the foibles of the Confederations Cup qualifying process, the years-old move of Australia to the Asian qualifying zone and what was surely an anomalous slip-up by New Zealand in last year's Oceania Cup of Nations all conspired to create a situation where a hopelessly, comedically over-matched team of amateurs finds itself playing the world champions in a 60,000-seat stadium.
They are, as some of the promotional material has suggested, the "ultimate underdog".
For a team in their position, simply being there should be enough. And as for scoring a goal -- well, as the on-field, in-stadium and post-game reaction from all involved showed, that truly was a dream come true.
It's a heart-warming tale because of the circumstances. But should Canadian fans aspire to more?
It'll be at least another five years (at the very, very least) before we even get to contemplate what it will be like to see a team of 11 Canadians take the field at the World Cup. Plenty can change between then and now, both in terms of the team and each individual fan's sense of connection to them. Me included. So we can't pretend to know how we'll really feel and react if and when that day comes.
But seeing the pat-on-the-head, aren't-you-guys-cute excitement over Tahiti's quest in the Confederations Cup makes me think maybe we need to aim higher.
Sure, Canada qualifying for the World Cup could herald the long-awaited "breakthrough moment", when the men's national team crosses over from an esoteric novelty into a fully-accepted and supported element of the national sporting consciousness.
But while making the big show in "just happy to be there" mode would be sweet satisfaction to long-suffering Voyageurs, if the team finds itself clearly outgunned and in complete survival mode for 270 minutes -- that could actually have a negative impact on the perception of the team. Finally, at long last, soccer fans in Canada see the national team in the World Cup and... what? They're delirious just to score one goal, scattered among three ignominious losses?
Don't get me wrong: This is not a prediction of what will happen.
We have absolutely no clue how the landscape of the national team and CONCACAF will change in the years ahead. We have no clue who will take the field for Canada in that amazing tournament (hell, some of those men may be in elementary school right now... or in diapers.) And we have no clue how they'll do -- maybe, in that magical day off in the future, an appearance in the knockout stages will be a totally realistic and attainable achievement for Les Rouges.
When Tahiti takes the field in its final Confederations Cup match this Sunday, I'll be sending my footie goodwill in their direction, just like most other fans across the world.
But I won't be sighing "that could be us". I don't want that to be us.
I don't want Canada's next appearance in the World Cup to be a quirky one-off, the product of a strange confluence of circumstances and luck. I want them to have earned their place, and be ready to have us celebrating not just their first World Cup goal, but their second, third and beyond.
* To appease one Canadian soccer history aficionado who may be reading this -- for privacy reasons, we'll just call him Richard W... no, that's too obvious; I mean R. Whittall -- I believe I'm obligated to mention that Ontario-based Galt F.C. scored 11 goals at the 1904 Olympics.
.