Better late than never may be OK when scoring in injury time (just ask Simeon Jackson), but it's less than good with a weekly goal roundup. So apologies, dear readers, for the lateness with which I fill in for Grant (away on holiday, the lucky bastard) and write this week's edition of Long Balls.
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It'll be a sweet consolation, though, to see that our boys abroad made good this week (well, a few of them), not the least of which being the long-suffering Simeon Jackson, back to his freaking awesome ways with a thunderous hat trick for Norwich City over Scunthorpe United. Sure, Canaries captain Grant Holt had already bagged a treble of his own by the time Simeon saw the field, and sure, Scunthorpe collectively looked about about as capable and athletic as
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Not to be outdone (well...to be outdone slightly) recent international absentee Iain Hume potted a brace in Preston North End's heroic upset over Swansea City. Can the Lilywhites save themselves from what seemed to be an almost certain relegation? Well...I dunno, cause they went on to lose to Reading on Tuesday. But hope springs eternal: Seven points to salvation for Hume & Co.
Npower Championship–watchers will have licked their lips (only figuratively, I hope) at this prospect: A Canuck derby! Burnley v Ispwich! Edgar v Peters! ...well, neither played and disappointment abounds. (Ipswich won 2-1, for the record.)
Our German second-division contingent continued its march to the 1. Bundesliga, with Marcel De Jong putting in his usual 90 mins as Augsburg won 2-0 over Arminia Bielefeld. Rob Friend stuck with what works, riding the pine all the way to Hertha Berlin 2-0 Paderborn.
The less said about this week for Dutch Hutch (I hate that nickname, too, but I couldn't help myself), the better: PSV surrendered three points and first place in the Eredivisie to Twente, then got a Hulking 4-1 battering by Braga in the Europa League. Hutchinson was out there for the whole shebang, too, getting nothing more than a yellow card for his troubles.
But we can return to the good news pile with updates of what Canada's keepers have been up to. Lars Hirschfeld has backstopped Norwegian outfit Vålerenga to a 2-0 record with two clean sheets, a record as tidy as Lars' haircut. (Note: For a reminder of why we're happy to have Lars, compare his solid save at 2:45, below, with the second goal the other guy lets in. Yikes.)
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Milan Borjan, for his part, helped Rad to a 2-2 result – a big point league-leaders Partizan, keeping Rad in the Europa League zone by a clear seven points.
And so we head off into the next round of play for our brave boys abroad. The next round of matches being tomorrow, actually. Man, this column is late – apologies again, and be relieved that Grant will be back for the next edition to Captain the SS Long Balls into more timely waters.