This is part of my series of "fearless" (i.e. irrelevant) predictions for various areas of Canadian soccer in 2014. For any idea of why I'm doing this, click here.
This is some dangerous territory, given that in 2013, the men's national team showed us that pretty much anything is possible. Going 13 games with only one goal scored? Check. Failing to beat Mauritania, given two chances to do so? Check. Giving a guy twice as many minutes with the senior national team than he's ever played as a pro? Check.
So it's going to be nearly impossible to make predictions for this team in 2014, right? Even so, we must forge ahead. Because we are fearless (or something)!
Fearless Predictions for the Canadian Men's National Team in 2014
Two goals. A 100% improvement from 2013!
[PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
Someone will finally snap on a media conference call with Benito Floro. Despite the fact that the CSA pays for him to have translators, Floro has thus far gone the extra mile to try and answer all media questions in English. While this is definitely admirable, and he's perfectly understandable in the context of a casual conversation, his sound bites in response to complex situational questions are often... how do I put this delicately... not especially usable. Everyone who covers the team knows it. This year, someone is going to snap.
Russell Teibert will be unseated as "team member with the coolest hair". Early contenders for the crown include youngster Hanson Boakai and a suddenly-rejuvenated Julian de Guzman.
Pedro Pacheco will have an epiphany. Despite no one really knowing how he's eligible to play for Canada or how he's actually connected to the country, and the fact that he surely knows slugging away for Les Rouges will almost certainly never get him a spot in the World Cup or boost his club career, the 29-year-old Portuguese-born midfielder who has played his entire career in Portugal has regularly answered the call and played well for Canada over the past three years. In 2014, however, he will have a "what the hell am I doing?" moment.
Canada will cap-tie at least a half dozen promising youngsters! This is an especially bold prediction given that Canada won't play any games in 2014 in which players can be cap-tied.
Too much/not enough will be made of Canada's place in the FIFA rankings. Some will whinge about Canada's ranking, others will insist it doesn't mean anything because the FIFA rankings are bunk. All will be told, "look, in the end, Canada knows what it needs to do to get to the Hex -- be better than a few of Honduras, Costa Rica, Jamaica, Panama and El Salvador. That will remain true no matter what their ranking is". All will ignore that statement and continue bickering.
Kyle Bekker will continue to be Kyle Bekker. See Fearless Predictions: Toronto FC.
The unearthing of more unrelated Habers! The program already has Marcus and Daniel, who aren't related... why not find a few more Habers from around the world who can kick a soccer ball? After all, we know the CSA isn't afraid to take a flyer on guys simply because they have the same last name as a current player. Just ask Dominic Imhof.
Renewed feud with St. Vincent and the Grenadines. A best-of-five series between the CONCACAF juggernauts, with the games split between Kingston and Kingstown. Sponsored by Philip's Bakery (the one on Lower Middle Street).
All players named to the roster for all of Canada's games will be actively employed by a professional soccer club somewhere in the world at the time. Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?
A hat tip for the Pedro Pacheco prediction comes from my colleague Grant, from whose tweet I borrowed (stole) the underlying premise. Got a prediction you want to make? Add it to the comments section below.
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