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    Guest

    Sturgis traded

    By Guest, in 24th Minute,

    The last (Ok, only) connection to the Earl Cochrane era at TFC is gone, after Nathan Sturgis was traded to Houston today for a conditional MLS SuperDraft pick.
    So, nothing.
    This is a salary dump, likely to make room for the Joao Plata deal, which is expected to be finalized this week.
    Sturgis made $85,000 last year. He made 14 appearances for TFC last year and was not expected to factor into the club’s plans in 2012.
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    Guest
    Like it or hate it hockey is central to the Canadian identity. That we are good at the sport is the most likely thing someone from another country will know about Canada.
    For those that don’t care for the sport, it can be a bit much. Hockey dominates the conversation, especially in our soccer-blind traditional sports media.
    Yet, there is little doubt that the sport influences us – even those of us in the soccer community. Canadian tactics, such as they are, occasionally borrow from the sport. In youth soccer ranks, many kids learn the game from coaches that relate more to Don Cherry than Jose Mourinho (I’ve literally heard youth soccer coaches talk about “dump and chase”—i.e. direct football -- and “forchecking” – i.e. closing down defenders). Outside of children of first-generation Canadians, the majority of us learn the game in a culture that understands sports in hockey terms. It’s not ideal, but it is what it is.
    As such, we tend to relate to players that play the game in a certain way. Canadians don’t like divers. They do like guys that play above their ability and exhibit the great intangible of “toughness” (it’s not surprising that Danny Dichio remains so popular in Toronto).
    In hockey terms, we like the third-line checkers. Guys like Dwayne de Rosario are liked, but maybe not as much as they might be in other cultures – too much flash, not enough grit.
    Bruce Wilson, however, might be the ultimate Canadian player. And, we could do with more Wilson’s today – the man did lead Canada to a World Cup.
    So, with some ambivalence, Canadian Soccer News recognizes the reality of our football culture with the What If Soccer Was Played On Ice Award.
    And the winner in 2011? Find out below the jump.
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    The most Canadian, Canadian in 2011 was the ageless wonder Eduardo Sebrango.
    The 38 (!) year old started 2011 retired and working as an ambassador for the Impact. He ends it with an invite to the Impact’s MLS camp. Does anyone want to bet against him being there on March 17?
    This is a player that has grinded out a career with skills that would never be described as world class. He holds the ball well and has an ability to find the goal. He’s spent his entire career in D2 and the majority of that time has been in Canada, playing for both the Whitecaps and Impact.
    Sebrango is a man who chose to be Canadian. He came to this country in 1998 and is now a Canadian citizen. It’s too bad FIFA is so restrictive about cap tie rules because one gets the feeling that he would have be willing to bleed for his adopted country as much as he did for the Impact and Caps.
    In a country often defined by immigration, Sebrango is in many ways a perfect Canadian. He’s not from Moose Jaw, but he reflects us every bit as much as someone that is.
    Yes, even guys born in Cuba can have a little hoser in them!


    Guest

    Brighter days ahead

    By Guest, in Onward Soccer,

    For Canadian soccer, 2011 turned out to be a down and indifferent year.
    Pro teams didn’t do well, national teams crushed hearts, and even the selection of Dwayne de Rosario as MLS MVP was sullied and dulled by his petulant, childish departure from Toronto FC.
    There were huge, positive changes behind the scenes, with the passage of CSA governance reform. But those reforms have yet to be implemented, so the jury remains uncomfortably out on just how huge – and positive – the final results will be.
    But there’s a reassuring rule in sports, economics and life in general. When something underperforms that broadly, in that many areas, for that long a time …
    … It might just be time to buy in.
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    In many ways and for multiple reasons, I believe 2012 is going to be a vastly better year in Canadian soccer.
    Let’s start with the pro teams:
    The Vancouver Whitecaps learned some very hard lessons in 2011, most to do with the actual enormous gap between D1 and D2 soccer in North America. Their dispiriting, largely dismal debut campaign in MLS proved – again – that no matter how prepared you believe your organization is to make the transition, there is an ugly wall out there that is going to get roundly smacked.
    I continue to have considerable respect for the minds who guide this team – although it certainly doesn’t help that GM Tom Soehn was just named the Canadian Soccer News Villain of the Year for 2011. I want to believe they will rebound nicely in the new year. But enough to end up in the playoffs? Hard to say. No Canadian side has ever accomplished that, and the gap didn’t exactly narrow over the past 12 months.
    Over at Toronto FC … well, it’s never easy to assume the captaincy of a ship that is listing badly, and taking on gouts of water. But that’s what Dutchman Aron Winter did after the persistently myopic minds at MLSE finally realized that former admiral Mo Johnston was trying to empty the flood by jackhammering new holes in the boat to let the water back out again.
    Criticism of Winter was constant – never coached before, not from here, no one in MLS plays 4-3-3, why is he playing all those academy kids so much? – but the imposition of a system, and the willingness to use local players instead of buying endless aging retreads, has actually appeared to have righted the ship.
    Lord, there’s a way to go yet, but 2012 should see a significant firming-up of TFC’s on-field presence. The Reds could easily miss the playoffs yet again, but they’ll be less likely to pose meekly for their fate. Look for a speedy, scrappy, daring side, which at the very least will be a whole lot more fun to watch.
    Up in Montreal Impact country, however, alarm bells are ringing. This team doesn’t seem nearly as well prepared for the jump to MLS as Vancouver did a year ago. And Vancouver got their faces paved.
    I see erratic ownership, constant drifting and a planless annual June firing of the head coach. I see a stadium way behind in its redevelopment, and an interim home (Le Chasm Concrete) that it nothing less than the worst, coldest, most uncomfortable large stadium on the continent.
    Dead atmosphere, limited talent, and an organization with no proven ability to play the long game. There’ll be a lovely bounce in rivalries, with Toronto-Montreal certain to be special. Ah, but the security guards have wrecked games up there before, and there’d better be some serious commitment to reign them in now.
    Entering the new year, I am optimistic about Canadian soccer in general. But not Montreal – in particular.
    And out on the plains, down in the B-league, it’s second time around for FC Edmonton. A feel-good playoff story a year ago – however brief – they now face that toughest of obstacles for new Canadian soccer sides – year two.
    This almost always becomes a leadership issue. So far, so good in that department, but this is when the backroom backwash has been known to burst the banks.
    They won’t tell you 2012 is a survival year. But history does. We’ll see.
    On the national front, any Canada that finally wises up and hires Nick Dasovic to coach the youth team has to be doing better. Nick has always been a guy you can point out to young players and say “Be like him.” His hiring is long overdue – and a good sign of relative sanity going forward.
    For the women’s team, things couldn’t be simpler. Qualify for the Olympics, then do better there than they did under Carolina Morace at the Women’s World Cup. The distraction and cult of personality are gone. The rest of the team has to find a way to turn Christine Sinclair’s talent into tangible return while Christine Sinclair is still young and fit enough to be Christine Sinclair.
    And then, of course … the men.
    It’s very simple. They either make it to the final round of CONCACAF World Cup qualifying – “The Hex” – or they don’t. Getting there will be a huge success. Failure will certainly mark the end of Stephen Hart as Canada’s head coach.
    They’ll never have a better chance to pull this off. After a numbing series of consecutive bad random draws, Canada actually avoided both Mexico and the United States, and only has to finish top-two in a group with Cuba, Panama and the dreaded and always difficult Honduras.
    The new year will dawn with renewed hope that Jonathan de Guzman may – finally – abandon his Dutch dreams and take his place in the Canadian starting eleven. He’ll have to want it and mean it, though. Stephen Hart is not going to waste his time (and everyone’s hopes) on a player who doesn’t sincerely want to make the trip. The fact that Jonathan’s brother Julian is already a Canadian fixture certainly isn’t going to hurt.
    To get anywhere, though, Canada absolutely must perform better against Panama than they did in last spring’s Gold Cup exit – and that was the Panama scrubs.
    I think they’re due, and that it’s going to be a rough, rocky, harrowing but ultimately triumphant year.
    Behind the scenes, CSA governance reform will be ushered in. How much and how quickly is still somewhat up in the air, but that’s the story I’ll be focusing on from now until the elections and appointments take place in May.
    And as for talk of a new, all-Canadian D-2 league … I’m still far from sold on this, as I still don’t believe the ownership is out there. I’ve been told otherwise from a couple of directions recently, but we’ll see.
    One thing is for certain. With the exception of the Montreal and Toronto academy teams, the D-3 Canadian Soccer League is useless for developing pro players. If you’re 23 and still playing CSL soccer, you have no chance – ever – of making it to MLS.
    A lot of good steps were actually taken in 2011. I see some fine strides forward coming in 2012.
    Happy New Year!
    Onward!
    Guest
    (This article originally appeared at Some Canadian Guys Writing About Soccer on March 21, 2010. Wondering what this is? Click here.)
    While Saturday’s agreement between Major League Soccer and its players union on a new collective bargaining agreement was met with resounding relief from soccer fans across North America, there are some for whom the deal was a cruel and unexpected twist of fate.
    “It really leaves us in the lurch,” said Pardon the Interruption co-host Michael Wilbon, of the deal which averted a planned strike by players on Monday. “That’s a whole segment we now need to re-evaluate and re-slot, on relatively short notice.”
    According to Wilbon, Monday’s episode of the back-and-forth ESPN program was set to include a 45-second segment devoted to a discussion of the MLS strike, between Wilbon and co-host Tony Kornheiser.
    The segment was set to begin with Wilbon summarizing the union’s grievances in a smug, dismissive manner, followed by a pronouncement that the strike was taking place (in a tone of voice conveying the idea that the entire matter was unworthy of his time), and concluding with a “throw” to Kornheiser, soliciting his opinions.
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    Kornheiser was then scheduled to provide a brief, smarmy synopsis of the sport’s previous failures in America, followed by an increasingly loud and obnoxious string of five-to-nine-word statements expressing his sheer incredulity that anyone could possibly possess an ounce of interest in the strike, the league or the sport in general.
    Kornheiser would then hit his crescendo, an explosion of agitation that Wilbon would even bother to waste his precious time raising an issue of such utter irrelevance, as soccer never has and absolutely, positively never will “catch on” in America.
    Wilbon was then set to lazily and ineffectively play devil’s advocate, by reciting the names Landon Donovan and David Beckham — most likely without providing any variety of context — before referring to this summer’s upcoming World Cup.
    As the time expired on the segment, Kornheiser would, in a bout of frustration, use the phrase “real sport” in such a manner as to suggest that soccer was not one, and that the subject of the next discussion was.
    A preliminary script obtained by The Reserve Squad showed the initial phrasing to be: “I’m tired of talking about this (said in such a way as to lead viewers to believe that American sports shows were being insidiously overrun with discussions of soccer, whereas in reality, the 45 seconds devoted to the strike would have been the first mention of the sport on ESPN since last October), let’s move on to a real sport…”
    With the strike averted, Wilbon said the PTI team briefly considered mentioning the new collective bargaining agreement, but have decided to instead replace the proposed MLS-related segment with a discussion of the jump-shot form of Murray State guard Isacc Miles.
    Guest
    The world needs villains. Without them we wouldn’t understand good when we saw it. Additionally, the world would be a little bland. Good is, well, good, but it’s often boring.
    A villain also acts as a great scapegoat – although a lot of Toronto FC’s early failures can justifiably be placed at the feet of Mo Johnston (as an aside, this award could almost be called the “Mo Johnston Memorial Award”) it wasn’t Mo who lost his mark on the corner kick.
    So, in a way, being named CSN’s Villain of the Year is an honour.
    OK, not really but at least it means you’re having an impact. And make no mistake, the 2011 winner had an impact.
    His (this year the pronoun is a bit of a spoiler as Carolina Morace was the runner-up) name has become a swear word in certain circles. He’s been accused of having a hidden agenda, of hating Canadians and for all but singlehandedly destroying a team’s season.
    Who is it? Find out below the jump.
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    The 2011 Villain of the Year in Canadian soccer is Tom Soehn.
    Oh, Tommy. It quickly became apparent that Soehn was the man making the decisions on what players to bring in. It made for an awkward working relationship with Teitur Thordarson. Ultimately it led to Thordarson being shown the door bizarrely early in the year (the handling of Thordarson is likely one of the biggest hits on Vancouver’s reputation as a first class organization in its history).
    It was the worst season in Vancouver’s rich history and, like Johnston with TFC earlier, much of the blame has to fall
    on Soehn. As much as Whitecaps fans might be feeling better about 2012, they also must have a bit of trepidation knowing that the same man that build the 2011 Caps is behind the 2012 Caps.
    Should Soehn be fired? The argument could be made that he should. However, the Caps have likely made too many changes already.
    Hopefully for Vancouver fans this isn’t the first of many of these “honours” for Soehn.
    Guest

    Canada v Cascadia: Vive La Republique

    By Guest, in AFTN,

    <i>This week we conclude our three part series looking at the issue of <b>"Canada v Cascadia"</b> and asking where the loyalties of Whitecaps fans lie and where Vancouver fits in to both sets of rivalries.
    <b><a href="http://www.canadiansoccernews.com/content.php?2517-Canada-v-Cascadia-Where-Do-Whitecaps-Fan-Loyalties-Lie" target="_blank">Part One</a></b> and <b><a href="http://www.canadiansoccernews.com/content.php?2586-Canada-v-Cascadia-The-Maple-Leaf-Forever" target="_blank">Part Two</a></b> have certainly provoked a lot of excellent discussion, as we looked at what games and what rivalries are most important to us Whitecaps fans. It’s been great to hear what non west coast fans feel about this issue too. That why we ran the series.
    Personally, we at AFTN would like nothing more than for the Canadian rivalries to have that extra edge. If the comments section here has been anything to go by, then we’re off on a sound footing. I can’t wait for all the regular season and Cup games between the three Canadian MLS sides next year. The intensity will only surely grow in the years to come.
    Today, in the final part of the series, it is the turn of long time Southsider, and Cascadian advocate, Devon Rowcliffe.
    We wanted to know what Cascadia and Canada mean to him, as he looks at the history of the Cascadian region, what feelings Seattle, Portland, Montreal and TFC each bring out in him and why, despite everything, the Voyageurs Cup is still so important to him....</i>
    <center><b>********************</b></center>
    As a long-time member of the Vancouver Southsiders, I have been asked to explain why I feel much more passion about our Cascadian rivalries (against Seattle and Portland) than I do for our Canadian quarrels (versus Toronto and Montreal).
    The main reasons are: a shared Cascadian culture, football history, and derby proximity.
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    <b>SHARED CASCADIAN CULTURE</b>
    A lot of people - including many Vancouverites - simply cannot fathom what all this recent "Cascadia" business is about. It's a region that, officially, doesn't even exist. So why are a considerable chunk of Vancouver Whitecaps supporters (not to mention Seattle and Portland supporters) so enthusiastic about it?
    First of all, Cascadia (or the Pacific Northwest, if that carries less political connotation for you, dear reader) is arguably a distinct part of North America. It has embraced a counter-culture that just doesn't "click" elsewhere on the continent.
    For example, Vancouver is viewed by fellow Canadians as a rather loopy place full of hippies, potheads, yogis, and eccentric politicians (such as Amor De Cosmos, British Columbia's second Premier). Seattle and Portland are similarly quirky in their own ways, and are culturally distinct places that seem incongruous with most of the USA.
    Whether it's a love of Birkenstocks, farmer's markets, craft beer or bicycle lanes, we as Cascadians seem to enjoy our distinct way of life – and we share many common characteristics with each other that we do not share with our fellow Canadians/Americans. We cherish living in a temperate rainforest; and while people from other parts of the continent pity us because of our "depressing" rain, we appreciate our region's year-round warm temperatures and the thriving greenery that allows our cities to be outdoor playgrounds.
    And although Cascadia boasts the sheen of Electronic Arts, Microsoft and Starbucks, so too does it have a rough underbelly. It's a region of "crunchy granola": hipsters and homeless living side-by-side; vegans co-existing with gruff "lumberjacks".
    It's this shared character and culture that makes Cascadia a distinct region, even though the 49th parallel politically bisects it. I would argue that the fact that the US-Canadian border runs through the middle of Cascadia is irrelevant. Adding a political division does little to diminish the region’s commonalities and identity.
    <b>CASCADIA’S UNITED POLITICAL HISTORY – COAST SALISH AND THE COLUMBIA DISTRICT</b>
    Critics of the concept of Cascadia point out that it doesn’t exist politically, that B.C. is on the other side of an international border from Washington and Oregon, and that Vancouverites share a common culture and history with fellow Canadians. They seem to think that Canadian identity is real, whereas "Cascadia" belongs in the land of make-believe. To them, Cascadia is a synthetic identity that has little grounding; it is "Canada" that’s stamped on the passports of Vancouverites.
    However, Cascadia doesn’t just exist in a conceptual, cultural context. Historically, it has been a politically united region, separate from the rest of Canada and the USA.
    Some patriotic Canadians rejoice in the historical narrative of British soldiers warring with Americans over Fort York in 1812, and paint it as a "Canadian" event. It is the history of Upper Canada, and thus (to a lesser degree) Canada as a whole; but British Columbia didn’t even exist as a colony at that point in history. Nor were Washington and Oregon part of the United States of America back then.
    In fact, a less biased view of the past only serves to strengthen the concept of a politically united and distinct Cascadia. Not many of our Canadian history books mention how the Treaty of 1818 between the USA and Britain gave both powers shared access to a united Columbia District (also known as the Oregon District) – which included the entire region of British Columbia, Washington and Oregon. Yes, you read that correctly – the area known as "Cascadia" today did indeed exist politically in the past. It wasn’t until the Treaty of 1846 that the 49th parallel crept west and divided the Cascadian area into two separate countries.
    Going even further back into history, we continue to see a united region, emphasizing just how recent of a division the 49th parallel is. Coast Salish territory extended (and still extends, as it is unceded land) from the mouth of the Columbia River in Oregon, north to Bute Inlet in British Columbia. Cascadia was historically united, under both Aboriginal and early colonial rule.
    <b>WEAVING THE CANADIAN NARRATIVE</b>
    While I am generally proud of Canada, and consider it to be a success in most aspects (while admittedly also being a profound failure in others, such as shameful attempts to eradicate Aboriginal culture and language), I am also fully cognizant that Canada is an artificially-created, political construct. And while that realization doesn’t lessen Canada’s legitimacy or accomplishments, the fact that Canada is a political construct means that it often does not have the gravitas to supercede how people located at its peripheries feel in terms of their natural, regional identities. Having a Cascadian (or British Columbian) identity is every bit as natural as having an Acadian or Inuit identity.
    Most countries are nation-states: relatively humble in size, and based around a shared language, culture, and region. Canada is not a nation-state; in fact, it is a unique country in terms of its plurality and inclusiveness. This is one of the reasons why it has been such a success, and has been able to bring people from rivalling regions of this world to live side-by-side in harmony. However, this same character means that regional identity within Canada is very prominent. After all, just like the USA, Canada is a federation - not a unitary state. Both countries are a large collection of significant differences.
    Canada is a massive construct that spans three oceans. Should a Vancouverite feel a natural bond with someone from Nunavut, and with someone from Labrador? Should we perceive people from these far-away places to genuinely be "family", simply because some politicians decided to lump all of us together into an uneasy federation? Should we feel any less familial with the people of Washington and Oregon, simply because an arbitrary, political boundary today divides us? Does such an artificial construct have any actual bearing on our regional, Cascadian culture – on either side of the 49th parallel?
    To me, naïvely accepting every region of Canada as "family" means swallowing the Canadian narrative without any critical thought. Conversely, relegating any part of (what is today) within the USA as being merely a neighbour, and inherently different, is prioritizing politics (and its often arbitrary borders) over regional culture. And personally, I don’t let politicians dictate to me who my family is.
    Having a shared (recent) political history with the rest of Canada does nothing to lessen the obvious cultural relevancy that Vancouver shares with the rest of Cascadia. Surely I wasn’t the only Vancouverite who often felt that Seattle-based television show <i>Almost Live!</i> was much more representative of Vancouver’s lifestyle and culture than <i>Royal Canadian Air Farce</i>, or <i>This Hour Has 22 Minutes</i> (and their predominantly Newfie accents).
    I should stress that being a Cascadian and being a Canadian are not mutually exclusive. But which of these two identities someone chooses to prioritize is strictly a matter of preference. Personally, I feel a stronger sense of identity as a Cascadian, than as a Canadian. I’m a Vancouverite first, a British Columbian second, a Cascadian third, and a Canadian fourth. Spheres of influence, if you will.
    <b>CASCADIA’S FOOTBALL HISTORY</b>
    It was perhaps football supporters who first began to realize just how much we all have in common with each other here in Cascadia. Football was the only sport in which all three cities (Vancouver, Seattle and Portland) shared a presence in the same league, encouraging us to each travel to each other’s communities on a regular basis. We began to realize that the national narratives that we were fed growing up are, in some ways, a myth – or are at least less relevant than we were led to believe. Recognition of our profound commonalities quickly gave credence to the Cascadia movement. And here we are today, informing other Canadians who instead grew up watching hockey or baseball or throwball that yes, Dorothy… Cascadia does exist. Head down to the Emerald City or PDX and witness the similarities for yourself.
    As Cascadians, we don’t really care about political secessionism – instead, we’re interested in celebrating our shared regional identity, and part of that is our shared footballing history.
    Cascadia boasts a long and storied history as a hub of club football here in North America. While most other parts of the continent go into a deep freeze during the winter, our supposedly "dreary" weather enables us to continue playing outdoor football throughout the coldest months (and in fact, many of our leagues are proudly winter-based).
    When the North American Soccer League (NASL) arrived in the 1970s, Vancouver, Seattle and Portland were quick to embrace the sport. The Whitecaps, Sounders and Timbers were three stable clubs within a sea of turbulent "franchise" expansion, contraction and relocation.
    Once the NASL folded, this Cascadian history readily spilled into the second-division A-League and United Soccer Leagues - and arguably became much more fervent. While most North American cities could only attract modest crowds with D2 football, Cascadia's tier-two clubs often led the league in support. And they certainly led the sport in terms of passion - often having larger and more zealous supporters groups than Major League Soccer cities.
    The passion created by the Whitecaps-Sounders-Timbers rivalry is unprecedented in North American football. This was even the case back when the clubs were all competing in D2. They hate each other. These are THE derbies north of Mexico.
    Some people suggest that, as fellow Canadians, Vancouverites "should" care more about rivalries against Toronto and Montreal. But when we've shared more than three decades of football rivalries with our Cascadian brethren, why should we be bothered about cities on the other side of the continent? Why should I take any significant interest in Toronto FC - an entity in which the club is younger than the franchise? (A "club" was only formed after Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment had purchased a spot in Major League Soccer.) To me, that's not history - that's a manufactured existence. So why would we care more about TFC than rivalries that are natural, local, and historic?
    <b>DERBY PROXIMITY</b>
    A genuine derby has to be within a reasonable travelling distance. If attending an away match requires an airplane, I don't really consider that to be a derby. Or at least, it's certainly not worthy of the title "local derby" – which are far more intense creatures.
    While Vancouver has historically played against teams from Toronto <i>(remember Nicole Hartrell's cuddly and kid-friendly Toronto Lynx, who couldn't make the playoffs if their lives depended on it?)</i> and Montreal, it's difficult to develop a natural rivalry when the other team is three time zones away. Additionally, because Toronto has historically been viewed by 86ers/Whitecaps supporters as "another dull three points" (at least prior to the MLS era), there wasn’t very much to get excited about.
    When you can hop on a bus, quickly travel down to a rival's city, take in a passionate football match, and return home - all in the same day - it creates a fantastic atmosphere. These Cascadian derbies are so special that many Whitecaps supporters spend months looking forward to them.
    If the continent's hockey authorities pulled their collective heads out of their arses and established a multi-divisional, knock-out competition (similar to England’s FA Cup), and if the result was the Vancouver Canucks travelling down to play against the Seattle Thunderbirds or Portland Winterhawks, I'm sure the atmosphere would be tremendous. Even a friendly, pre-season encounter would likely prove boisterous. Quite simply: geography matters.
    <b>YET, THE VOYAGEURS CUP MATTERS MORE</b>
    Despite explaining why the Cascadian derbies are more important to me and many Southsiders than the Canadian rivalries, I admit that I rate the Voyageurs Cup (the Canadian Championship) as being a bigger priority than the Cascadia Cup.
    Why?
    Firstly, the Voyageurs Cup is a proper, knock-out cup - featuring clubs from more than one level of the football pyramid. There aren't many of these competitions here in North America. Those of you who cheer for the lower-division underdogs in the early rounds of the FA Cup can relate to how special these tournaments can be, and how exciting it is when smaller clubs somehow manage to knock out the more storied names.
    As a Whitecaps supporter, the Voyageurs Cup has (as of 2008) been Canada's version of this prized competition. Seeing the D2 Whitecaps travel to Toronto and handing the new MLS team their first-ever loss at BMO Field was something I will never forget. Our 2009 home win over Toronto FC - a 2-0 victory watched from Swangard's creaky Southside bleachers, which were heaving with supporters ecstatic at the prospect of another giant-killing - was equally memorable. (And the way Vancouver nearly won the 2009 competition as a D2 club, were it not for Montreal shamefully playing their "B"-squad and losing 1-6 at home to Toronto, was yet another enthralling chapter in Voyageurs Cup lore.)
    The competition doesn't carry quite so much excitement for me now that the Whitecaps and Impact have joined TFC as top-flight clubs, but thankfully the giant-killing role has been inherited by FC Edmonton. Additionally, Ottawa intends to join the NASL (and presumably also the Voyageurs Cup) in 2014, and so the growth of Canadian club football will ensure that the Canadian Championship remains an exciting knock-out competition featuring a variety of clubs.
    Conversely, while the Cascadian matches are intense, the Cascadia Cup itself simply piggy-backs on top of league matches - it does not feature separate cup games. Nor are Cascadian clubs from more than one division involved, and so the Cascadia Cup has never featured the giant-killing aspect that the Vees Cup boasts.
    Secondly, the Voyageurs Cup is the only method of entry into the CONCACAF Champions League for Canadian clubs.
    <b>COULD THE CASCADIA CUP USURP THE VOYAGEURS CUP?</b>
    So how could the Cascadian Cup become more interesting? How could it supersede the Voyageurs Cup as the competition of choice for Vancouver supporters? The answer is simple: involve clubs from the lower divisions.
    Sadly, there are no longer any Cascadian clubs in D2 and D3. However, the D4 USL Premier Development League (PDL) has become a hotbed of lower-division club football here in Cascadia. It currently features eight teams, with strong rumours that it will expand for 2012.
    Realistically, given the problem of fixture congestion for MLS clubs, the Cascadia Cup isn't likely to become a cup competition entirely separate from league play. But what if in addition to the three Cascadian MLS clubs playing each other in regular league matches, the previous year's PDL Northwest Division winner also became involved, by playing home and away to all three MLS clubs? It would require only two extra (local) matches for all three MLS sides, and would allow the Cascadian Cup to offer the prospect of potential giant-killings. Such cup matches would create large attendances for the PDL club, giving it a significant financial boost. And an opportunity for smaller teams to host the region’s giants would help to promote club football across the entire region in a way that is only possible when the big boys come to smaller towns for competitive (i.e. not friendly) matches.
    One of the highlights of Cascadian football in 2011 was the fourth-division Kitsap Pumas scaring MLS’ Seattle Sounders in a tightly-contested US Open Cup match. Why not re-create this sort of excitement in the Cascadia Cup?
    A spectacular Cascadian football culture and history already exists; all the Cascadian Cup would need to become so much more exciting would be that extra touch of cup magic by involving the smaller clubs.
    I can’t envision the PDL nor its Northwest Division member clubs rejecting such an opportunity. But would Cascadia's MLS clubs each be willing to play two more competitive matches?
    If Vancouver, Seattle and Portland care about growing the sport across the entire Cascadian region, rather than simply furthering the interests of their individual clubs, they should support the prospect of bringing PDL teams into the Cascadia Cup as a way to give the competition even more excitement.
    <center><b>********************</b></center>
    <b><i>Devon Rowcliffe has supported Vancouver Whitecaps since 2000, and has stood with the Southsiders since 2002. A three-year stint in England turned him off the professional game in Europe, but introduced him to the wonders of non-league and supporter-owned football clubs. He is a member of VISTA (Victoria Independent Supporters' Trust Associated) [<a href="http://twitter.com/#!/VictoriaISTA" target="_blank">twitter.com/VictoriaISTA</a>], the first supporters' trust in Canada to promote fan ownership of a football club. Devon enjoys visiting new football grounds, and launched Groundhopping Canada [<a href="http://groundhoppingca.wordpress.com" target="_blank">groundhoppingca.wordpress.com</a>] this past summer. His upcoming book, "Who Ate All The Squid? Football Adventures in South Korea" [<a href="http://whoateallthesquid.co.uk" target="_blank">whoateallthesquid.co.uk</a>], is due to be published in the UK in late 2012.</i></b>
    <p>
    Guest
    (This article originally appeared at Some Canadian Guys Writing About Soccer on January 7, 2009. Wondering what this is? Click here.)
    The oft-maligned Canadian Soccer Association has embarked upon an ambitious program meant to revitalize the sport in this country. But the “youth cap” program — which sought to distribute red baseball caps to every registered soccer player across the country — has already cost the organization over $1 million and, thus far, has yielded few tangible results.
    “[The $1 million figure] doesn’t include the considerable expense associated with capping players in remote regions such as northern Labrador and Baffin Island,” said Sean Heffernan, the CSA’s Chief Financial Officer. “All told, the program will have cost nearly $2 million; however, we believe the long-term benefits outweigh the initial financial hit.”
    The CSA, with an annual operating budget of around $15 million, said the program represents a watershed moment in its player development strategy. Some critics, however, say the plan was misguided and wasteful.
    “This is unconscionable,” said soccer writer Ben Knight. “All that money, gone, wasted, because some bean-counter doesn’t understand football terminology. Unbelievable.”
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    In international soccer parlance, “capping” a player refers to giving them an on-field appearance for a national team. Under international rules, once a player is “capped” at a certain level, they become “cap-tied” to that country for life, and may not play for any other nation.
    In recent years, several highly-touted Canadian-born players, including Owen Hargreaves and Jonathan de Guzman, have chosen to play for other countries in international competition. CSA officials said the “youth cap” program was meant to counteract this trend.
    “We believe that with over 800,000 players in this country, somewhere among them is the next Hargreaves or de Guzman,” said CSA general secretary Peter Montopoli. “And it is in our long-term best interests to cap them now, all of them, when they are young, so that they have no choice but to represent Canada once their innate soccer talent kicks into full bloom, out of the blue, at age 18.”
    When informed of the true meaning of the word “cap-tied”, Montopoli’s eyes widened, he whispered something to an assistant and responded, meekly, “we’ll get back to you on that.”
    As for the players themselves, the program doesn’t appear to be catching on yet.
    “This hat is gay,” said Aiden Marsh, 8, of Oakville, Ontario. “That doesn’t even look like a maple leaf. It looks like a hand or something.”
    “Soccer’s okay,” said Rapesh Singh, 10, of Calgary. “But my mom says it’s just supposed to keep me busy till winter. I’m gonna play for the Flames!”
    At a soccer field in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia, a trash bin was found containing no fewer than 14 of the caps. Several were also discovered on the ground near the bin, and sources said that the hats’ owners would not be returning to retrieve them. Still, CSA officials seemed pleased with the program’s progress.
    “Look, nothing works on the first try,” said Montopoli. “And in the case of Canadian soccer, sometimes it doesn’t work on the second or third or tenth. But if you keep at it, eventually something will happen.”
    Montopoli noted that, to subsidize the cost of the caps, youth registration fees around the country would be increased by $14 per player in 2009.
    Guest
    In the end, there wasn’t a lot of debate amongst the CSN editorial team when it came to naming the 2011 Canadian Soccer News Awards. Although there was some friendly debate, by and large the final decisions were unanimous.
    With one exception – we couldn’t come to a conclusion as to what the 2011 Canadian goal of the year was.
    The Canadian goal of the year is the goal judged to be the best scored by a Canadian anywhere in the world. Although in this year’s case the two goals we’ve narrowed the choice down to are both national team goals, the award is not exclusive to goals scored while playing for Canada. Club goals are given equal consideration.
    To help us break our tie, we’re asking the readers to select between our two finalists. As it turns out, it’s a battle of the genders.
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    The first nominee is Terry Dunfield’s cracker against Ecuador. The goal stands on its own – a 25-yard blast that curled into the top corner – but the celebration makes it. Dunfield runs 35-yards to leap into a the bottom of BMO Field’s section 114 (and, yes, you can see this writer in the shot – artfully holding a large beer at arm’s length as chaos ensues around me).


    The second choice is Christine Sinclair’s free kick against Germany at the World Cup. Sadly, it proved to be the one highlight of the World Cup for Canada, but there is no doubting the importance of the stage it was scored on, nor the skill involved.
    It’s easy to forget that the goal was meaningful as well. When it when in, Canada closed the gap to 2-1, giving itself eight minutes to find the equalizer.
    FIFA copyright diligence makes it difficult to find a video of the goal, but you can see it here in this video showing self-hating Canadians pretending to be German at Toronto’s Dundas Square:


    What do you think? Which of these two goals should be out 2011 Canadian goal of the year? Send you vote to CSNAwards@gmail.com. We will announce the winner on New Year’s Eve.
    Guest
    It’s Boxing Day. A time for sales and bargain hunting.
    In the current financial climate, football clubs around the world are looking for the best value players that they can get.
    Everyone loves a bargain, but sometimes they seem to be few and far between. MLS sides have had to cast their nets far and wide to try and find the players other clubs have overlooked.
    These guys do exist and there’s been many of them on display in Major League Soccer this season.
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    Looking at the Whitecaps and the salaries paid to the players this season, it’s been interesting to see who gave the best value for money to the Caps in terms of contributions made and wages drawn.
    No surprise really that the hands down winner was Camilo. What a find he proved to be.
    The Brazilian took home a guaranteed compensation of $133,545, a whopping $766,455 less than DP Eric Hassli, and he outperformed the Frenchman in both goals (12 to 10) and assists (3 to 2). It should also be noted that he managed not to see red the entire season.
    You really struggle to find much other value, but at the League minimum $32,600.04, Long Tan is certainly that. With one goal and 2 assists, along with a strong performance in the PDL and reserves, you can’t ask for much more from the young striker except to keep the development going.
    The best of the rest was Michael Boxall. At only $42,000, the Kiwi made 19 appearances and provides excellent value and reliable cover. Nods must also be made to Jordan Harvey on $63,125, who provided 4 assists, the joint second highest on the team. Also to Atiba Harris on $80,590 for 2 goals and 3 assists in his 5 appearances. We can only surmise what kind of overall contribution the St Kitts player would have made if it hadn’t have been for that early season ending injury.
    Worst value for money is obviously Mustapha Jarju. With no goals, no assists and only 10 appearances and 450 minutes played, the Gambian should be wearing a mask when taking home his $426,883.
    Therein lies one of his problems. I think a lot of Vancouver fans would be a lot more forgiving for his stuttering start to his Caps career had he not been given such a large salary and Designated Player status.
    Jay DeMerit suffered a season plagued with a groin injury. The Caps didn’t see the best of him in his 21 appearances. At $350,000, we need to get a whole lot more out of our captain next season. If he stays healthy, then I think we will.
    Talk of injured players brings us nicely to ‘Sicknote’. John Thorrington gave the impression of a man who could get injured just by looking in the mirror. Some fans may have balked at his $207,200 salary for just 11 appearances and 740 minutes. Remember though, all those medical bills can’t be cheap.
    Turning our attention to MLS on the whole, AFTN has put together what we feel is the best value for money starting eleven you could have got this year.
    We’ve not just looked at salaries and guaranteed compensation, but also appearances, goals scored, assists made and clean sheets kept. We think they’d be a match for any team in MLS:
    <b><u>Goalkeeper :</u></b>
    <b>Josh Saunders (Los Angeles Galaxy)</b>
    At a guaranteed compensation of $66,355, Saunders played 19 games, secured 12 wins and recorded 8 shutouts for the MLS Cup winners and his goals against average of 0.93 (17 goals) made him the second best rank goalie in MLS last season. With 55 saves from 73 shots faced, his 75.3 save percentage was the third best of the bunch and just 0.6, and one save, off the top spot.
    <b><u>Defenders :</u></b>
    <b>Steven Beitashour (San Jose Earthquakes)</b>
    In his second year in MLS, and on $42,000, the right back played 19 games last season and although he didn’t score any goals, he provided 7 assists. Just what I’ve been saying I want from my wing-backs.
    <b>George John (Dallas) </b>
    The central defender is still staggeringly on a salary of just $42,000. With 31 MLS regular season appearances and a further 10 in the playoffs, US Open Cup and Champions League, John scored 3 goals and had 1 assist last season, which has moved him onto the periphery of the US national team.
    <b>Tyson Wahl (Montreal Impact – was Seattle Sounders)</b>
    Value central defenders are hard to come by. You can pick up some cheap options that don't provide anything in the attacking departments (such as the Caps' Michael Boxall on $42k). Obviously you pick a defender to defend, but if they can offer you that little bit more, then that’s just added value you can't ignore. We went with Wahl, who can play both central defence and left back. Six years experience in MLS, 23 appearances in MLS for the Sounders last year, with one goal and two assists. All on a salary of $54,770. Montreal have a good acquisition.
    <b>Chris Tierney (New England Revolution)</b>
    Tierney made his $66,666.67 by splitting his 27 appearances for the Revolution last season between left back and left midfield. He can also play central defence. That versatility, combined with 2 goals and 4 assists in 2011, and four year’s of MLS experience saw him get the nod, over Vancouver’s Jordan Harvey for the left back slot. Toronto’s Ashtone Morgan could snatch this spot next season if he continues his progress.
    <b><u>Midfielders :</u></b>
    <b>Mauro Rosales (Seattle Sounders)</b>
    Any team that can have a $42,000 player holding down a regular first team spot is music to the ears of the club accountants. If that player can contribute 14 assists, 5 game winning assists and 5 goals in 30 appearances in all competitions, then that’s a pretty fine piece of footballing business.
    <b>Lamar Neagle (Seattle Sounders)</b>
    And the Sounders do it again with a guy on even less. Neagle earns $32,604 and for that money Seattle got a player who made 34 appearances in all competitions, netting 7 goals and adding 2 assists. The Whitecaps had Bilal Duckett for that money.
    <b>Graham Zusi (Kansas City)</b>
    In his third season in Kansas, Zusi had a breakout year. 5 goals and 7 assists in 32 games, including four game winning assists, was a fantastic return for a $42,000 salary. Was named MLS ‘Player of the Month’ in June.
    <b> Sanna Nyassi (Montreal Impact – was Colorado Rapids)</b>
    The man that the Caps selected as their first pick in the 2010 MLS Expansion Draft, only to immediately trade him to Colorado. He went on to play 26 MLS regular season games for the Rapids, scoring 5 goals and recording 5 assists. At the bargain price of $42,000, it looks like Vancouver ended up keeping the wrong Gambian.
    <b><u>Forwards :</u></b>
    <b>Diego Chaves (Chicago Fire)</b>
    The Uruguayan played 29 games in MLS last season, 19 of them from the start. 6 goals, including scoring in three consecutive matches, and 1 assist is a pretty good return for $45,000.
    <b>Joao Plata (Toronto)</b>
    The final spot in the team was a close run thing, with Plata just edging out San Jose’s Steven Lenhart for me. The Ecuadorian scored 3 MLS goals for TFC and added 5 assists in 26 games, for his $42,000 salary. Lenhart only played 14 games for the Earthquakes last season and was an unused sub for the last 14 games of the season. He had two more goals, but two less assists. With more games played, the speed he brings and the fact that his hair doesn’t make me have clown nightmares, sees Plata get the second strikers’ spot.
    <p>
    <p>
    Just missing out on the team was Sebastian Grazzini of Chicago Fire. He only made 11 appearances for the Fire after signing in July, but ended up with an amazing 5 goals and 4 assists in his 780 minutes. $48,000 well spent and who knows what a full season could return for the Argentinian, if he hangs around.
    If we went for a 3-5-2 formation instead of 4-4-2, then Grazzini would be right in there at the expense of Wahl or Tierney. It was a tough decision.
    Our eleven chosen players come in at a team total guaranteed compensation of $517,396.
    That’s $4,082,604 less than what New York Red Bulls flop, Rafael Marquez, took home this year. And only $90,513 more than what Mustapha Jarju’s guaranteed compensation is. Staggering!
    For that money our team produced 37 goals and 48 assists.
    Compare that to the Whitecaps as a whole. The Caps scored 35 goals for the whole season and recorded 38 assists.
    Do you agree with our selections or is there a player out there that we've glaringly overlooked?
    The bargains are clearly there if you know where to look for them. Remember that the next time the Caps, or whatever team you support, sign a player you’ve never heard of, from some strange league on the other side of the world.
    They can still do the business. They just have to be given the opportunity. There are still gems out there waiting to be discovered by North American fans.
    Enjoy the bargain hunting!
    <p>
    Guest
    (This article originally appeared at Some Canadian Guys Writing About Soccer on September 16, 2009. Wondering what this is? Click here.)
    In a surprising move, the three hosts of the Toronto-based soccer show It’s Called Football have unanimously decided to abandon soccer coverage, move to New York City and form a folk parody band.
    “I’ve tried everything I could think of to squeeze some money out of Canadian soccer — no good,” said Ben Rycroft. “But we’ve got good chemistry, so why not music? We’ve got a band, and I’ll manage the band. I’m the band manager.”
    “I do 645 kids’ shows a year as it is now,” said guitarist Ben Knight. “So it’ll be nice to have a lighter schedule.”
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    “New York is the city for me,” commented bassist Duane Rollins. “I’ve always wanted to meet that Naked Cowboy guy.”
    To ease the transition for fans, the newly-dubbed It’s Called Folk crew have released a staggeringly-poorly-made promotional poster featuring the band members in their newfound rock personas.

    In order to conserve their scarce resources, the band intends to lease space in an unused supply room within the Canadian Consulate on Avenue of the Americas.
    Sources of dubious reliability have suggested that upon entering the music game, the band will encounter difficulty in attracting fans, overcome a variety of hilarious obstacles and personal disagreements, face a never-ending wave of innocuous-but-annoying cultural stereotypes about their Canadian background and, ultimately, become an unexpected and unlikely worldwide success.
    “I manage the band,” offered Rycroft, unsolicited.
    Reaction amongst the trio’s existing fanbase is mixed. Recurring It’s Called Football guest “Big Newf” was unimpressed.
    “This is the biggest outrage since… since… since Pablo Vitti and Chad Barrett adopted a baby, taught it how to score goals, and the kid got signed by Mo Johnston,” said Newf, citing a (hopefully) impossible scenario to demonstrate his frustration. But another recurring guest was less displeased.
    “Hey, I was just planning to move to New York City,” said “Squizz” of Some Canadian Guys. “And into a place on Avenue of the Americas, too… weird…”
    When asked about gigs that he had lined up for the band, Rycroft stared at a yellow notepad for a few moments, before stammering: “Erm… well, I’ve got them a gig at this studio at Bay and Dundas.
    “I’ve also got them this gig at a place called the Greyhound.”
    Calls to the bus company of the same name went unreturned.
    As for the band’s sound, it’s also a work in progress.
    “I’m working on a tune called the Dichio,” said Rollins. “It runs 23 minutes and 13 seconds. See what I did there?”
    What’s it going to sound like?
    “I dunno,” said Rollins, fiddling with his bass. “But it’s 23 minutes and 13 seconds long. Get it? And the second tune is called Sniper.”
    Because…?
    “Because the Sniper made the Archer obsolete. The Archer is obsolete now. Get it? Get it?!?!!”
    Rollins was assured that the reporter did, indeed, get it.
    And while their success is yet to be seen, the trio at least appear to have high hopes.
    “I don’t care how many fans we attract,” said Knight. “It’ll just be nice to play music for people who are potty-trained.”
    Guest
    The first of three year in review shows will begin Boxing Day as we look back on some of the best interviews from ICF in 2011.
    We chose the first interview with CSA vice president Victor Montagliani in part because there is a chance he could be the CSA president next year – and as a man with a number of visions for what this game could be, it’s important to understand where he’s coming from and what he’s after. And partly we chose it to dream – as there are some big ones in it.
    This next one was with the NASL commissioner David Downs. It was a timely interview and we were the first in Canada to talk to the D2 boss about his aspirations into Canada. Aspirations that they still very much have – even as Canada takes a look at the possibility of its own league. Like the CSA, its important to remember that the NASL still very much considers Canada fertile ground.
    This last one features an interview with Earl Cochrane from very early on in the year. The Winter era had just begun and Earl was now working on the competition side of things and had sat on a committee with MLS that sought to reduce the Canadian requirements. In this interview Earl explains why he thought it was the right decision and fights off the idea of criticism of the project.
    This first show will appear Boxing Day on CSN, with the next two airing on New Year's Day and Jan. 9.
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    <embed src="http://itscalledfootball.podhoster.com/FlowPlayerLight.swf?config={embedded:true,videoFile:%27http://itscalledfootball.podhoster.com/download/2540/28174/weekonereview2011.mp3%27,initialScale:%27scale%27,controlBarBackgroundColor:%270x778899%27,autoBuffering:false,loop:false,autoPlay:false}" width="400" height="25" scale="fit" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed>
    Although, if you're really eager the first two are already up on iTunes.
    Guest
    Every year, Toronto supporters group U-Sector puts together a "year in review" video which is revealed at the group's annual Christmas party.
    The "Christmas Reel" has become an annual tradition; a look back at the year that was for Toronto FC and Canada, all through the eyes of the group. As the intended audience is U-Sector members, there are some inside references that may fly over an "outsider's" head, but for the most part every TFC fan should be able to appreciate the slick retrospective.
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]


    For videos from earlier years, click here.
    Rudi Schuller contributes Toronto FC, MLS, and Canadian national team content to the 24th Minute. He is MLSsoccer.com's beat writer for all things concerning Canada's men's national teams, and he has spent time as soccer editor for Reuters' online publications. He has also contributed to Goal.com and other soccer media. Follow Rudi on Twitter, @RudiSchuller.
    Michael Mccoll
    Football and music have always gone hand in hand with AFTN. We even used to produce a free local music scene pull-out back in our fanzine days.
    Flicking through some old back issues, and inspired by hearing something similar on Danny Baker's Saturday morning radio show on the BBC, we thought we'd resurrect an old AFTN section from back in the day.
    So readers, we bring you "MLS Back Catalogue", where we revisit artists' discographies, and writers' bibliographies, re-imagined with the players of Major League Soccer, in a full 'Top of the Pops' style top ten countdown.
    It's Christmas day, so what better way to kick things off than with our MLS Back Catalogue - The Christmas Songs….
    ************************************
    (10) I Wish It Could Be Adam Cristman Every Day
    (9) God Rest Ye Danny Koovermans
    (8) Deck The Tally Hall
    (7) Aron Winter Wonderland
    (6) Jay Nolly And The Ivy
    (5) Joy Chiumiento The World
    (4) Silent Wes Knight
    (3) Hark The Juan Pablo Angel Sing
    (2) Leonardo Ribeiro Da Silva Bells
    (1) I Saw Mamdou Danso Kissing Santa Claus
    Who could come into the chart as new entries? Leave your suggestions below.
    Merry Christmas to all our readers. Have a good one.
    Guest
    (This article originally appeared at Some Canadian Guys Writing About Soccer on February 15, 2009. Wondering what this is? Click here.)
    A month after rejecting a US$150-million transfer from AC Milan to Manchester City, Brazilian star Kaka is once again the subject of transfer rumours — only this time, the seller has changed.
    Breaking a two-millennium-long silence, representatives of the reclusive Jesus H. Christ released a statement earlier today confirming that Kaka will, indeed, be sold to a club willing to pay $100 million for his services.
    “While Kaka’s devotion to AC Milan is admirable, he is rightfully the property of Mr. Christ,” the release said. “The player has admitted as much on several occasions.”
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    “I know this will surprise many people,” Mr. Christ said in the release. “But desperate times call for desperate measures. With plummeting church attendance, the recession and some regrettable business ventures in the past few centuries, it’s time to liquidate some assets.
    “As well, I know that I serve as a beacon and role model for my followers — and while my spirit of generosity and goodwill has served humanity well during these millennia of nearly unabated economic progress, now that we have entered the abject downfall of free-market capitalism, it is time to lead with shrewd business principles.
    “Also, it would be nice to get a new pair of sandals. You do get a blister or two after 2,000 years.”
    As to why Kaka’s price had been lowered by $50 million, the release only mused about the “unfortunate theological decisions made by the current owners of Manchester City.”
    The release did not indicate whether this was the beginning of a fire-sale of Mr. Christ’s diversified holdings — which include assets ranging from soccer players such as Kaka and Dirk Kuyt, to real estate properties such as rural African wayside chapels and the White House.
    Kaka, for his part, was accepting of the situation.
    “I would love to stay in Milan,” he said through an interpreter. “But if my Lord and Saviour desired it, I would play for the Kansas City Wizards.”
    AC Milan owner Silvio Berlusconi, however, was much less magnanimous.
    “Why has He chosen this moment to make His wishes known?” asked the Italian politician and businessman. “So much pain, so much suffering that has happened in this world, in His name, and He has been silent… yet He returns only to weaken our midfield? This is a sad day for myself and for all of Italy.”
    Mr. Christ made sure to clarify that this intervention in the day-to-day affairs of his followers does not officially qualify as a Second Coming.
    “I cannot say when I’ll be back for real,” He said in the release. “But if things keep going the way they are, it might just be sooner rather than later. I can’t be any more specific.”
    As for why the Son of God, martyr for all of humanity’s sins and possessor of eternal life in Heaven, suddenly needed an injection of cash, the release was similarly vague.
    “Mr. Christ has a concrete plan in place to reinvest these funds,” the release claimed. “We are not at liberty to discuss the plans at this time, but suffice to say, if you haven’t read the King James Bible, you may want to give it a look. Soon.”
    Note: When contacted by a reporter inquiring about the well-known passage in the Book of Matthew which says that it is easier than a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven, a representative of Mr. Christ would only state that a “grandfather clause” was in effect.
    Guest
    <i>For me, no-one's ever instilled the Christmas spirit with his writings more than Charles Dickens.
    The Victorian literary genius is credited in many quarters for reviving Christmas festivities and being the inventor of the modern day Christmas. We're big fans of his work here at AFTN.
    Now we don't usually do re-runs here at AFTN Towers, but since it's Christmas Eve, we have a whole new readership here at CSN and what follows took us ages to write in the first place, for your first time delight or your repeat delectation, we bring you our Dickensian review of Vancouver Whitecaps 2011 season...</i>
    <center>************************************</center>
    <center><i>"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,
    it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness,
    it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,
    it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness,
    it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair,
    we had everything before us, we had nothing before us."</i></center>
    <p align=right>
    <i>Charles Dickens - "A Tale of Two Cities"</i></p>
    Vancouver Whitecaps inaugural Major League Soccer season has come to an end.
    [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
    The fat lady didn’t so much sing on the last day of the season, as whimpered, and when pantomime villain Baldomero Toledo blew the final whistle, there were mixed feelings.
    There was the relief that a season that promised so much, yet delivered so little, had finally come to an end. There was disappointment at finishing bottom of the heap. Tinged with the sadness were happy memories of the past seven months.
    Then there was the final realisation that it was all over, and with nothing bar a few Under 18 Residency games to give us our Whitecaps fix over these coming months, the off-season malaise was already starting to sink in.
    We were all on this ride together- fans, players, front office.
    We shared the highs. We shared the far more common lows. We laughed, we cried, we shouted, we shook our heads. We made some great new friends.
    Football united us and made many new converts along the way.
    <center><i>"You are part of my existence, part of myself." ("Great Expectations")</i></center>
    When we started our new MLS journey back in March, I don’t think any of us could have predicted the twists and turns that lay ahead, both on and off the pitch.
    No-one would have expected the class of 2011 to become the worst Vancouver Whitecaps team, results-wise, in our proud 37 year history. Never before have we finished overall bottom in a League and hopefully we never will again.
    It was certainly a season to remember, and sadly not always for pleasurable reasons. This is AFTN’s review of the season that was. <i>"I’m not going to tell you the story the way it happened. I’m going to tell it the way I remember it." ("Great Expectations")</i>.
    Why has AFTN gone all Dickensian on you? We think it only fitting really, as the Whitecaps 2011 MLS season played out like something that would fit quite perfectly into the world of Charles Dickens.
    Vancouver might not fill the role of Victorian London all that well, but we certainly suffered <i>hard times</i> in our <i>battle of life</i> in the "majors".
    When Southsiders and other fans gathered in <i>The Lamplighter</i> a few days before the season got underway, we had <i>great expectations</i>. The excitement was contagious, hopes were high, and probably the worst thing that could have happened was the thrashing we gave Toronto FC in the first game of the season at Empire Field.
    Expectations were then even higher, but it proved to be quite <i>the long voyage</i>, with far too many speedbumps on the way. Instead of becoming the bright new lights in the Pacific northwest, we became <i>the poor relation’s story</i>. when it came to our Cascadian cousins, left well behind in terms of results, performances, atmosphere, marketing and just how the club was run in general.
    We were in the unique position of having two home openers, in two differently wonderful stadiums. Both occasions were amongst the highlights of our season, but unfortunately, all too often there was a lot of hardship, as we begged for scraps. Those were two very <i>bleak houses</i> for most of the year.
    Not as bleak as when we went into the houses of others mind you. No wins on our travels was more than just disappointing. It was embarrassing and infuriating at times. A lot of fans spent a lot of their hard earned time and money to watch some of the most lacklustre performances I have seen from a Whitecaps team on a football pitch.
    Whereas other teams seemed to have fight, passion and a desire to win, we showed none of these far too often, with our heads going down way too easily when the going got invariably tough.
    It wasn’t just two homes we had, we also had two managers, with another on the way.
    Frankly, both managers were poor and fell short of what we needed to make any sort of impact in Major League Soccer this year. A tale of two shitties, if you will.
    Neither of them got a squad of talented players performing at the level that they should have done.
    This was not a poor squad. We are not a last place side with the talent we have on our books. We seriously underperformed.
    The question as to why needs to be addressed at the very top.
    All of this was overseen by <i>our mutual friend</i>, Paul Barber.
    The little London stray seemed to be trying to do his best to encompass characters from <i>Oliver Twist</i>.
    Artfully dodging the hard questions, with positive spins on the negative, that even a slippery politician would have been proud of. When fans complained about things like the drummers, ticket prices, Uniglobe, and other issues, there were always tales of more fans who were happy with everything and had taken the time to write and tell him that. How pleasing, yet unusual, in this day and age.
    He's gone now though and few tears will be shed both in and out of the workhouse.
    Despite the complaints, his band of ticketing urchins, front office and corporate sponsor, continued to pick a pocket or two from the fans, never afraid to be asking for more. It was enough to make Fagin proud.
    But let us not just dwell on the bad times, for there were also many happy occasions.
    The first two home games were simply remarkable - the TFC opener and the amazing three goal comeback draw against Kansas City. It may have gone downhill pretty fast after that, but at least we have those memories, and five other wins as well.
    We had some stellar player performances, both in the first team and in the up and coming Residency players.
    Camilo da Silva Sanvezzo was the player of the season. Although his going to ground became grating, his goals more than made up for that. Eric Hassli was sublime, when on his game, and the team woeful when he wasn’t, and he knew it.
    Gershon Koffie showed maturity beyond his years and although he still has work to do on his game, he has a bright future, which will no doubt take him beyond MLS pretty soon. And Joe Cannon, won a crowd of Jay Nolly lovers over by being himself.
    The brightest spots of the year were the promising young Canadian talent that is coming through. Caleb Clarke, Ben Fisk and Bryce Alderson all impressed in the PDL and got some minutes under their belt in the MLS Reserve League.
    I await the day that they make the actual move to the first team squad. It will come for all of them over time, of that I'm sure, and Bryce has already made the step up.
    And then we have the fans, and the atmosphere. Tremendous and a football crowd I never thought I’d experience in Vancouver.
    <center><i>"There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour" (A Christmas Carol)</i></center>
    The Southsiders led from the front, but the rest of the stadium were also so up from it from the first kick to the last. Now, if only we could actually get more people to actually be in their seats by kickoff time.
    Fans got to experience some great awaydays. I personally took in the games at Chivas, Real Salt Lake, Seattle and Portland. Next year, I plan many more, and hopefully see our first ever MLS away win in the process.
    These travels made me appreciate what we have in the stands in Vancouver, and also how wonderful it is to have a club that publishes a game specific (and free!) matchday program.
    It’s these little things that make my football experience complete. Now, if we can only get a pie stand at BC Place…
    It was a sad season in many ways, as supporters had to say farewell to some favourites. Players who had been with the Caps back in their D2 days were either kicked to the kerb or just simply ignored when Tom Soehn took over. Even post season, Jay Nolly found himself on his way to Chicago to start afresh.
    <center><i>"There was a long hard time when I kept far from me the remembrance of what I had thrown away when I was quite ignorant of its worth." ("Great Expectations")</i></center>
    Wes Knight was treated most disgustingly, with the ultimate kick in the teeth for the player and the unhappy fans being when the club gave his still warm number 8 jersey to Peter Vagenas, for no apparent reason whatsoever at that late stage of the season. The decision was made all the stranger when the Vag himself was to depart shortly afterwards.
    If that was two fingers up to the fans, then it was joined by a huge middle finger at the weekend when Soehn didn’t just ignore the fans Twitter campaign to get Philippe Davies some playing time, he dropped the player from the gameday eighteen altogether.
    <center><i>"In a word, I was too cowardly to do what I knew to be right, as I had been too cowardly to avoid doing what I knew to be wrong." ("Great Expectations")</i></center>
    Mouloud Akloul was the player though that gave us a <i>mystery of Edwin Drood</i> proportions, when he seemed to just disappear off the face of the Whitecaps planet. All Soehn kept saying was that he was still on the Caps books, but his release was eventually announced. All was revealed recently when Akloul told MLS France, what AFTN had always suspected. Soehn was a prize twat and he had had a bust up with him.
    I miss our crazy Frenchman, but at least we have two great goals to remember his Whitecaps career by and last season’s hilarious Timber Joey piss-take.
    Unfortunately we are still stuck with Tommy Soehn. At least for now. We still live in hope.
    With Soehn moving back upstairs to continue his reign of pain, there is at least some hope on the horizon, from the great Scot, Martin Rennie.
    <center><i>"The time will come, the time will not be long in coming, when new ties will be formed about you--ties that will bind you yet more tenderly and strongly to the home you so adorn--the dearest ties that will ever grace and gladden you." ("A Tale of Two Cities")</i></center>
    We don’t want to heap too much pressure on Rennie, but with his track record of building attack minded teams that also have a heavy emphasis on defence, we expect nothing less than a playoff spot!
    He has a big job ahead of him but he has a good core that he is currently building around. He likes to build teams from a strong defensive footing and boy, are we badly needing that right now.
    I have confidence in him to do the job, if he is left to do it in his own ways.
    <center><i>"The most important thing in life is to stop saying 'I wish' and start saying 'I will.' Consider nothing impossible, then treat possibilities as probabilities."
    ("David Copperfield")</i></center>
    I think what Dickens was trying to say above was “I Believe”.
    I Believe That We Will Win.
    And despite this seasons letdowns and disappointments, I truly believe that we will be doing just that under Martin Rennie’s Vancouver Whitecaps.
    It’s been a long season, but the hard work is only just starting.
    Mon the Caps.
    <p>
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