Unexpectedly unable to get to Detroit I did the next best thing – I went to the most American place in Canada to watch.
With neon lights, tacky storefronts, wax statues of Elton John and white trash beautiful ladies by the handful Niagara Falls proved the perfect backdrop for a showdown with the Yanks. Hell, I was outnumbered by them there too – The Falls doubling for a University of Buffalo frat party and all.
Niagara Falls is a great place to remind Canadians that we aren’t all that different from our American neighbours, actually. It’s a town that’s taken some stunning nature – there is a waterfall there, if you weren’t aware – and squeezed it for every last dime. Trees and water are pretty – strip clubs and casinos more profitable.
Obviously, I love the place. It’s spectacular.
What wasn’t all that spectacular was the game and, in particular, the goalkeeping. Canada was tentative, but holding on until Lars let the ball trickle short side and, somehow, through him. It was mighty neighbourly of him to give Jozy Altidore the confidence boost he so desperately needed.
I wasn’t as charitable:
“(Full name of son of major deity) Lars. What the (omnibus word that technically refers to sexual intercourse) was that? (Same word as last, spoken forcefully). (pause to have long sip of Gin and 7). (same word again, spoken softy and with a deep, deep sense of sadness).”
That’s when I met Brad The American.
[PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]
Brad The American was a 47-year-old freelance construction worker. He was the only other guy in the casino watching the game in the far back corner they agreed to show it in. He didn’t look like a soccer fan. He looked like he might be a big Dallas Cowboys guy, actually.
Brad The American started to talk to be about the San Jose Earthquakes. So, yeah, appearances can be deceiving. Deep down I understand that American soccer fans and Canadian soccer fans are really the same people living the same frustrating sporting experience. I just didn’t want to be reminded of that while watching Lars (you know what word goes here. Add “ing” though) Hirschfeld crap the bed. Brad The American has Landon’s goal against Algeria to calm him. I have fading memories of a tournament that took place when I was still in Elementary School.
Not now Brad The American, not now.
Alas, Brad The American wasn’t about to let the only other soccer fan in Casino Niagara suffer in peace. He insisted in telling me how much he loved DeRo, Pat Onstad and Frank Yallop. The (child born out of wedlock) was likeable. That sucked.
He was also good at keeping things in perspective. Unlike many Canadian reactions I’ve read this morning, Brad The American was actually pretty positive about Canada’s performance. He talked a lot about the talent we had and how he always wondered why we didn’t do better in World Cup qualifying. He also pointed out that the game was mostly Canada’s over the last 20 minutes or so. Brad The American thinks that Canada will be just fine if they play like that against Guadeloupe and Panama. He suggests that if the two teams meet again that the result might be closer. He talked about how things can change quickly and how 15 years ago he thought US soccer had no future and how today he thinks it might win the World Cup one day.
Brad The American even apologized to me when Clint Dempsey scored the second goal – the (child born out of wedlock).
Obviously Brad The American is right. It still would have been nice to kick his (butt) for once.