Canadian soccer fans reacted violently (see photo above) after the CSA released a jersey design that was not destined for the runways of Paris.
“It’s terrible, awful, this is the worst day of my life,” wailed Canadian fan Todd Godova, 33, of Saskatoon. “I give up. I’m only watching curling now.”
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The designs, which feature black and white chevrons on a otherwise solid red strip and red and black chevrons on a solid white strip, are clearly the worst ever worn in the history of professional or amateur sport.
“As we know sports fans are notorious for their impeccable sense of style,” Montreal fashion expert Patience Miron said.
“Clearly the universal negative response of the Canadian fan – typically a very positive group that always see the good in everything – speaks volumes.”
Elena Ferri, 19, of Vaughn, Ontario quietly wept in the corner of the pub where the new kit was revealed.
“Hope is all lost, you know,” she said before trailing off. Her boyfriend Andrea Cattaneo continued for her.
“It’s crap – crap,” he screamed. “We’ll lose in that crap. Anyone that wears that crap will be crap -- crap, crap crap.”
Lennox Johnstone is the head psychologist for the greater Halifax Netball Association. He says that Cattaneo may be onto something.
“Players respond to the uniform they are wearing,” he said from his home in Lower Sackville, NS. “When you see something like this terrible design – clearly the worst thing any human has ever been asked to wear – you can only speculate that our already shaky world ranking will drop further.
“It’s highly unlikely that Canada will ever win a game wearing those strips.”
Fans have been left scrambling to react to the terrible news. It’s widely understood that there is no greater issue facing Canadian soccer now than the design of the uniform. Protests are planned as well as indignant comments on satirical articles on well read Canadian soccer news sites. Someone even mentioned something about a Facebook page or Internet petition.
Regardless, it’s clear that nothing else matters now – not the criminal lack of funding for the women’s program as it prepares for the World Cup, the continuing strengthening of the pro game, or, especially, the looming governance reform vote Feb 5. – it’s all about the strip design.
The greatest affront to Canadian soccer fans, ever.